Bonded For Life

Marriages are made in heaven is an age old saying. In effect it means even up there six sigma doesn't work. Jokes apart, isn't it true that we always wonder about the detailed planning of the Big Boss and when it comes to marriages it's a real cracker. We all get married - well,most of us do. However quite a few divorce add to the list of separations due to death. The trend in last few years has shown an upward movement which can be attributed to lots of reasons.

However today I'm not going to talk about the reasons of divorce / separation. I'll also not talk about arranged or love marriages or even the issues of child marriages / domestic violence / economic mismatches etc. I'm obviously aware of a few exceptions where there are compelling reasons to part ways. I wish to talk about a few reasons of making a marriage work. What's the need and how to ensure that marriages do not end up in separations. After all it's a holy alliance and both the partners are party to a bonding for life. Yes bonded for life!

See, both husband and wife have equal stakes in ensuring that the grand alliance clicks. It's not only about two individuals or short term issues- there are families involved and it's more to do with whole bloody lives of these two. As such two of them are young - mostly in mid twenties or below. So following few suggestions may help:-

1)  There is not doubt your spouse is not exactly what you had been dreaming about all your life. There are some good points and some not so good points in all of us. So, seek out the best in him/her rather than focusing on what he/she doesn't have. Many times we are unable to connect because of image of spouse in our minds/ hearts which is based on covering our own weaknesses. Rise above the caricature you had painted.

2)   Don't take it on yourself the responsibility to change him/her. We all are on a journey and keep evolving. So instead of asking him/her to change learn to accept the change he/she undergoes. 

3)   Both the partners are in an unseen and slightly awkward situation after marriage. Give each other some time and some personal space to adjust. Be present whenever your spouse needs you and be a good listener. He / She is not ignoring you - it's just some minor case of Brain Freeze. Be gentle and be comforting.

4)   Whether it is 1st year of marriage or 25th..be presentable for your spouse. Look nice and smell nice - despite all the household chores or work and travel pressures. 

5)    Have sex - often if not all the time. Even when you don't feel like doing it as making love is like applying a lotion over a wound. When you are feeling not to make any physical contact it's the time to let go and believe me it cures any and every issue.

6)   Share your thoughts, fears and past. It's good to be transparent as it increases trust. Whenever you are in a hot situation talk to each other or at least an elder who is married at least 10 yrs more than you. If you go to your peers or to an internet counselor it's a sure shot recipe for disaster. Friends of our age are equally inexperienced and biased while unknown preachers are unlikely to have specific answers for you. 

7)   Support each other in front of others specially in-laws.  When in your parent's house make sure your spouse gets respect and comfort - it's your responsibility.  Don't ever embarrass or put down your spouse publicly. No one likes to be corrected in front of others - do it privately.

8)    Pl don't let finances come between you at all. Every one has financial issues at some or the other time. If both partners are working then there will be a salary differential. Such fringe objects must never be allowed to take center stage in any talks or difference of opinion between the two.

9)    Never sleep in a different room or house in case of a fight. See to it that you both share the same bed and more often than not the issue fizzles out before day break. Try and stick to this practice. 

10)  Lastly never underestimate the value of touch or a hug. It does miracles.


The gist of staying happily married together lies in enjoying the bond. If you make a slight effort both ways without counting who does how much you will remain bonded for life. Good luck and God bless.


(The author has been married for 25 years and took prior permission of his wife to write above blog!!)







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